A God’s Truth Moment
As I laid pondering my life; past, present, future I realized there’s a story inside of me that God wanted to be told. “But Lord, it’s not pretty. It’s too painful. I’m ashamed of those things I’ve done. No one needs to know.”

“My child this one is for you. You’re not able to be true to Me until you fully come to terms with your past, forgive yourself as I forgave you. Oh, I know you think you’ve forgiven yourself. But you see, you can’t forgive what you haven’t openly acknowledged. I will not bless who you pretend to be. You need to face it before I fix it.”

That’s how my conversation with the Lord went on the morning of October 26, 2017 at 6:00 a.m. And the vision was birthed to start writing my “Shadow of Death” experience.

“I was sinking deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore, very deeply stained within sinking to rise no more, but the master of the sea heard my despairing cry, from the waters lifted me, now safe am I.”

This is one of my favorite hymns that we would sing back at Pilgrim Baptist. No one dare tell me I couldn’t sing when it came to this hymn. You see I remembered the night God delivered me from the snare of the enemy, which was my “shadow of death” experience. So, I can sing this song with conviction as a testimony to God’s loving grace that showed up that night.

The year was 1986, in a little town in Texas where I had my “shadow of death” experience. I tried everything except God to soothe the pain, to still the voices, to try to hold together the thread of my life that had begun to unravel. The more I attempted to mend the tear, the more it seemed to unravel. So, what do you do, you give up right? Well, that’s what the devil had me to think based on the course of action I took. It seemed I had found an answer to fixing what was wrong with my life. It was not to focus at all. At least for brief moments of time. And what seemed to work at one point wasn’t working anymore.

I decided to walk away into the night with no thought of where I was going. After some time had passed of just wandering around, I started to glimpse a bright light ahead of me. I didn’t know what it was, nor could I get away from it. I didn’t know if I was hallucinating or if it was real. All I knew is that it was the most comforting thing I had experienced. As I walked toward it, I started saying “The Lord is my Shepherd…” There was an image beckoning me to come. At that moment I said “Lord, I need You.” I cried out to God and He heard and answered.

“I cried out to You in my time of trouble, and You answered me. I called to You from the land of the dead, and my God, You heard me!” Jonah 2:2

All my heart to Him I give, Ever to Him I’ll cling, In His blessed presence live, Ever His praises sing.

Love so mighty and so true Merits my soul’s best songs; Faithful, loving service, too, To Him belongs.

Even when we make mistakes that could cost us dearly, we can take comfort in knowing that God’s love abounds higher and greater than our mistakes. He doesn’t stop loving us and put us outside of the kingdom because of what we’ve done. And we don’t have to try to hide from God in shame because of what we’ve done. We can’t hide from God anyway. He knows all and sees all. Instead run to God and allow Him to overwhelm you with His love!

Souls in danger, look above, Jesus completely saves; He will lift you by His love Out of the angry waves.
He’s the Master of the sea, Billows His will obey; He your Savior wants to be—Be saved today. Love lifted me.

I’m so grateful that He waited for me to come to myself, just like the Prodigal Son. We’ve all at one time or another been a prodigal son or daughter of God. We’ve stretched out or is stretching out on our own agendas. And God is waiting for us to come to the end of ourselves to see we need Him. He has what we need if we would just turn to Him and accept His Love.

His Love lifted me when nothing else could help!
Excerpts from a journal I’m in the process of writing titled “Shadow of Death”

Heavenly Father, My Provider, My Healer, My Deliverer, My Lord and Savior. Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! I can’t ever give you enough thanks for all You’ve done, are doing, and will do for me. As unworthy as I am, You always look beyond my faults, failures, and supply my every need.

Daddy God, You are the lifter up of my head. You were there with me when I was at my lowest. I sought You, and You heard my cry and delivered me from my fears. Who am I God that You cared enough to come see about me? I have come to realize it’s just WHO YOU ARE! I am so grateful that you are Yes and Amen, nothing in between.

Lord, As I trust You, I am free to say whatever needs to be said, bold to go wherever I need to go. In Jesus’ Name. Amen!

           In His Hands,